I could go on listing all the terrible forms of torture my California Fitness trainer foists on me but, at the midpoint in this 16 session ordeal journey, I thought I'd take stock of the things I've discovered so far (other than the 1387289374287 ways to wring yourself at the gym):

1. Sessions with a personal trainer really do get you results faster. I'll flash you my tummy and biceps if you don't believe me. It's been only 4 weeks but already my tummy looks tighter - I SWEAR - and I don't have to do much for my triceps to show. I sorta have what I like to call peanut-shaped arms, but...

2. My upper body strength is still so bad. I'm utter rubbish. I'm working on it, one painful rep at a time. However, no rep is so painful as a rep in your...

3. Core exercises. I didn't know they could make you perspire as much as running on the treadmill can. Which, by the way, is a breeze compared to the...

4. StairMaster. I really, really, REALLY hate the StairMaster. As in, it ranks right up there with liars and people who are vomitting. (I cannot be around people who are vomitting, even my own husband.) Still I suppose it does help my...

5. "Fat hamstrings". What? Fat ass - check, fat thighs - check, fat face - check, fat hamstrings? Can you even have fat hamstrings? Well, apparently I do. Will wonders never cease! Bring on the leg curls which...

6. ... make me feel like pooing. Yes, doing leg curls on the machine makes me feel like pooing. My trainer insists I'm confusing the sensation with a real stomachache but I swear I am not, although a poo has something in common with a good workout...

7. Euphoric satisfaction.

Looking forward to the next 8!